ACT I
Scene 3
SETTING: Outside of St. James the Lesser Catholic School, grades K-12. It is the First Friday in February 1943.
AT RISE: Teachers and pupils arrive at school.
5 "ASK A NUN"
CLARA
Good morning!
SISTER DON BOSCO
(To Clara)
Good morning
WHAT?
CLARA
(Flustered, nodding)
Good morning,
Sister.
SISTER DON BOSCO
(Nodding her approval)
Good morning,
Clara.
SISTER DON BOSCO, SISTER RAPHAEL, SISTER PERPETUA
WE'RE UP EV'RYDAY BEFORE THE CRACK OF DAWN,
COMB THE HAIR, SAY A PRAYER, GET THE HABIT ON.
WE GET THE CHAPEL READY FOR A REQUIEM,
DO THE LIT'NY, DO THE LAUNDRY, NOW IT'S 6 A.M.
IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE,
ASK A NUN. (WE'RE REAL PERSISTERS)
WE FINISH WHAT WE'VE BEGUN,
ONE BY ONE. (WE'RE REAL ARM-TWISTERS)
IF YOU WANT TO FIND A DOUGHNUT SHOP,
THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK A COP.
BUT IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE,
ASK A NUN.
WE FACE EV'RY DAY WITH A DETERMINED ZEAL.
SCRUB THE FLOOR 'TIL WE'RE SORE, MAKE A SIMPLE MEAL.
WE TEACH THE LITTLE DEVILS AT THE CATH'LIC SCHOOL.
NOT WITH “GOLDEN” DO WE MOLD 'EM, BUT WITH IRON RULE.
IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE,
ASK A NUN. (WE'RE REAL TIGHT-FISTERS)
WE FINISH WHAT WE'VE BEGUN,
ONE BY ONE. (WE'RE BETTER THAN MISTERS)
IF YOU NEED ADVICE ABOUT THE PROM,
THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK YOUR MOM.
BUT IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE,
ASK A NUN.
(DANCE)
IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE,
ASK A NUN. (WE'RE REAL PERSISTERS)
WE FINISH WHAT WE'VE BEGUN,
ONE BY ONE. (WE'RE REAL ARM-TWISTERS)
IF YOUR TUMMY ACHE IS FEELIN' WORSE,
THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK A NURSE.
IF YOU WANT TO BURY YOUR DECEASED,
THEN GO AHEAD AND ASK A PRIEST.
WE DON'T TAKE GUFF FROM ANYONE.
WE THINK ABSTINENCE IS FUN.
AND IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE,
ASK A NUN.
WE'LL MAKE IT RUN.
SO IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE,
ASK A NUN.
ASK A NUN.
(MUSIC
ends and pupils assemble into two lines; boys in one line, girls in the other)
SISTER RAPHAEL
(Tentatively)
Sister Don Bosco,
I hate to trouble you…
SISTER DON BOSCO
Sister Raphael
(pronounced ráh-fy-el), as Principal
of St. James the Lesser, I encourage you to come to me with your concerns. What
is it? Noisy pipes again?
SISTER RAPHAEL
No, it's the
boys in my class…
SISTER PERPETUA
Eighth-grade boys are the worst. 