ACT I
Scene 2
SETTING: The church sanctuary has imposing plaster columns, supporting
a high vaulted ceiling. Stained-glass windows frame a beautiful altarpiece. The altar is elevated and is draped with a white cloth that goes to the floor on all
sides. A huge book (Missal) is set on a bookstand on one side of the altar and
there are many candles. The sacristy is DL.
AT RISE: A Catholic Mass is about to start.
The priest and altar boys are getting ready and the congregation is getting seated.
HANK
(Halfway through buttoning cassock - with alarm)
What are YOU
doing here?
TOMMY
I'm going to
serve with you.
HANK
(Groaning)
Oh, geez, no.
TOMMY
(Finding a cassock)
Don't worry,
Hank, I can do it. I've been serving in the nun's chapel.
HANK
(Eyes popping)
But you've never
served a High Mass, have you? Have you?
TOMMY
Well, not exactly,
but I've been practicing at noon with Sister Mary Jean.
HANK
Oh, geez, no. Look, if we get into trouble out there, just plop on your knees and STAY there.
(MUSIC in: HANK leaves the sacristy and lights candles around the
altar while TOMMY finishes getting ready for Mass)
2 "THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT DAY REPRISE"
(MUSIC ends)
TOMMY
(To HANK)
I guess I'll
be seeing you tonight at the golf course garage.
(Pause)
Corky lights
a fart tonight.
HANK
So what has that
got to do with you? He'll never let a punk like you watch.
TOMMY
He sure will. You just wait and see. I've been…
HANK
Shhhh!
(FATHER
GRUNDY, in full Mass attire complete with black, beanie-type hat, walks over to the BOYS)
FATHER GRUNDY
(To HANK)
Say a prayer
for the basketball game tonight.
HANK
I will, Father.
FATHER GRUNDY
(Turns
to TOMMY, pauses, forces a grin and motions to door)
Shall we?
TOMMY
Ad Deum qui laetificat juventutem meam.
(FATHER
GRUNDY and HANK exchange unimpressed looks. HANK and TOMMY, prayerfully march
side by side out the doorway with FATHER GRUNDY, hands together and head bowed, close behind.
A deafening burst of organ MUSIC is heard (#3 – “ORGAN SURPRISE”).
TOMMY is startled and freezes in his tracks. HANK continues on, as does
FATHER GRUNDY - who runs into TOMMY from behind. TOMMY whirls and pushes past
FATHER GRUNDY and back into the sacristy to collect himself. FATHER GRUNDY follows TOMMY back as HANK still continues to his
position, not knowing that the others are not with HIM)
TOMMY
I'm SORRY, Father,
I'm SORRY. The organ - it scared me …
FATHER GRUNDY
(In a measured tone, not looking at HIM)
Have you ever
served Mass before?
TOMMY
Oh, yes, Father. This was just an accident.
FATHER GRUNDY
All right. We won't speak of it again.
SISTER MARY JEAN
(Following them in)
Is TOMMY all
right?
TOMMY
Yes, Sister.
SISTER MARY JEAN
I know you can
do it. I’ll say a prayer for you.
TOMMY
Thank you.
FATHER GRUNDY
(To SISTER MARY JEAN)
Good idea. 